Let me be governed by lazy men
Like the rest of the jamiesphere, I find myself liking Ed Milliband a lot more than I thought I was going to. I like his Terry Fuckwitt grin and strong physical resemblance to the comedian David Schneider. But most of all, now that we've all heard a bit about his home life, I finally feel that here is a politician I can identify with.
Ed Milliband has been living with the same woman for six years; he has one child (and another on the way) and still hasn't got married to her. I know exactly how this is achieved; I lasted ten years and two kids. Basically the answer to the question "how the fuck do you procrastinate marrying the woman you love and the mother of your children, for ten years?" is "one day at a time". One day I plan to write an inspirational self-help book and management tome, entitled Say Yes, Then Do Nothing.
I admit that a) not getting his name on the birth certificate and then b) managing to sack off going down the town hall and sorting it out for one whole year is bloody impressive though - I guess it's talent like that which is why he's Leader of the Opposition and I'm not. But yes, anyway, as one of the country's leading advocates of "inertia" as a political Big Idea, I think I may have found my man.
I very much look forward to hearing in someone's memoirs about the phone call where Obama says "look, when is the British contribution to Operation Iranian Pony coming", and Ed says "OH GOD! Yes, absolutely, sorry, I am totally on top of that one, I'll get it done immediately!", before settling back into his chair for a biscuit and an idle check of David Moyes' Twitter feed.
Rather than rule by an iron hand
ReplyDeleteAnd indefinite war in the land of Persia
We'd like to be governed by Miliband
And his masterful tactics of pure inertia.
Wherever I wander
ReplyDeleteWherever I rove
I'm always an Ed-man
And fuck Michael Gove.
So Mrs. Dsquared is a fiction? Is this like the deal with Edna Fry?
ReplyDeleteNo, she's very real - we got married two years ago, after the first two kids but before the third. What happened is that she finally realised that if the wedding was going to happen, she would need to do literally all the organising, and rely on me for nothing more than showing up on the day (which I actually nearly fucked up) and making a speech. I suspect that the same will end up being true of Ed Miliband, whose name I do not propose to learn how to spell correctly any time soon.
ReplyDeleteI have just thought of another reason to like him, btw. The big problem with Gordon Brown's character was that he lacked the nerve to knife Blair. The big problem with David Miliband was that he didn't have the stones to knife Brown. But Ed Miliband, fair do's to the guy, had what it takes to knife his own brother, and what's more he stabbed him in the front. You've got to respect that.
I think it was Edward Pearce who credited Franco with rare political skill in staying out of WW2 with essentially this strategy - telling Hitler that he'd normally leap at the chance to sacrifice millions of Spaniards on the Eastern Front and he'd be right on it when he had a sec, but just at the moment the economy was looking a bit peaky, and could he finish this plate of patatas bravas and file his tax returns first, and anyway it was raining outside, no point in doing anything until the sun came out, the troops'll just get their uniforms muddy, and basically kept this up until the war was over.
ReplyDeleteNo, he's a dead ringer for the American actor Ray Romano.
ReplyDeleteI have this theory that the best work a new gvt does is in the first year or so after taking over, when they repeal the fruitcake ideas the previous gvt was going through with, like ID cards, privatising everything in sight and invading other countries. Well, ok, maybe the condems aren't repealing everything, but anyway, the best job a gvt can do is tend back towards the nice safe middle, and if your judgement of Miliband is correct, he seems the ideal person to do that.
ReplyDeleteRay Romano?
ReplyDeleteEvery time I see this
It reminds me of this